The Joy Luck Laundry
I really don't think Alice is ever going to come back to the laundry. I will have to accept the fact that Lily will be forever my laundry matron, or at least until I leave my little hovel on the Upper East Side. And until I move - or die - every encounter with Lily will be an exercise in humiliation.
This morning's festival of embarrassment begins with what I thought was benign chit-chat about my family. Sitting at her counter facing out at sidewalk traffic all day, this woman misses nothing. Having spotted my mom and I coming and going from my apartment on Thursday and Monday, she inquired about our weekend. Now, the only reason I have any street cred with Lily is because of my mom (I'm way too lazy to recap - just click the hyperlinks if you want the Lily backstory). So I thought I was golden. Until the conversation then degenerated into a lecture about my love life.
Lily: You mom come up this weekend?
Me: Yep. Long weekend in Boston.
Lily: You go to Boston?
Me: Yep. Went up to visit my brother.
Lily: Oh that's nice! Then you mom come and spend time here?
Me: That's right.
Now I'm thinking she's going to give me a gold star for being #1 Daughter.
Lily: Your brother. He married?
Me: He's getting married next year.
Lily: Oh that's nice. You mom happy.
Me: Very happy.
Lily: How about you?
Me: I'm happy too.
Lily: No, you get married?
Me: Oh no, I haven't found the right guy yet.
Lily: You better get moving.
Me: Yes, you're right. (thinking: No shit, Sherlock.)
Lily: You brother older?
Me: No, I'm older.
Lily: 1 year?
Me: 5 years.
Lily: (throwing hands up in air) OH! You better buckle down and find a husband!
("buckle down" must be on one of her language tapes)
Me: (pasting on a smile) Yes, yes. I'm an Old Maid.
Lily: Old Maid! hee hee hee hee hee Old Maid!
I would like to think she was laughing at the term "Old Maid" more than calling me one, but one never knows with Lily. She's an enigma.
Me: Maybe you can set me up with one of your other customers.
Lily: Yes, yes. I work on it.
Me: Great. See you later.
Lily: Byee-ee.
And the saga continues.
7 comments:
Sally, I completely understand. My brother is 16 years younger,I'm only 39 folks, and he is closer to marriage than me. (My gyno recently asked me when I was going to get married too - didn't see that one coming.)
Ah, yes. My roommate's sister (married, 33-ish) recently reminded me that I should get a boyfriend. Now why didn't I think of that?
Hilarious.
My landlord came over to help me put in my air conditioner and told me I should have kids soon. Because it gets to be very hard if you wait too long. Omigod, rilly? Thanks for the tip buddy!
Aha, you got some love from Gawker...that's gotta be good for traffic. Congrats.
With a site called JDaters Anonymous, I get "why aren't you married" constantly, as if a husband is something I forgot to pick up at Duane Reade. (Which, just to clarify, it isn't. I checked with three separate DR locations, and they're out of stock.)
Nice post.
Pretty soon you'll get the Why aren't you married? You're pretty; you have a good job; what's the matter? Like all of a sudden the answer to your single status is going to fall down from the sky!
Funny post!
uhh... I have the whole bunch of nice pre-canned responses to this idiotic "Why aren't you married?" question. However, as my patience with tactless people runs out, next time someone asks it, I will throw something heavy in them.
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